I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
