took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
