I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
