I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
