Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
