It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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