I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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