You're so nebulous sometimes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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