You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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