She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
