she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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