fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
