Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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