i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
