Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
