It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
