Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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