He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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