I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
