the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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