and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
