I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
