He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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