I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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