Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
