im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
