I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Green mimosas i think yes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I supernannyed him into submission
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
