You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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