She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are we still banned from the library?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
