I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
