Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got chris browned last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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