he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
