I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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