She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think people are normalizing furries
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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