Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
where are my eyebrows?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
