So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
