i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
