Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
