found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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