Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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