Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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