i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
