Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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