just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
