When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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