Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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