The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
