Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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