he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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