Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
