Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im part way to drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
