Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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