so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
