what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
