I want to make a zoo with you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
