Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
