why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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