She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
