I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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