you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
