I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize