So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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