I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she told me i tasted like america
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize