we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
