Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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