Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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