next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
