oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
